Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!

Having read several books about technique in baking, cooking and food science; after several hours in front of the TV watching the likes of Alton Brown, Christopher Kimball and Spongebob Squarepants (lets be fair, that sponge can COOK!), I can say with absolute certainty that what you see above is not a Chocolate Chip Cookie.  It is, however, what came out of the kitchen when I went in to make Chocolate Chip Cookies.

How are these odd cookies made?

Step 1: Get the butter out of the refrigerator to brown it.  Realize that you don't have enough.

Step 2: Think.  Butterbeans?  No.  Butterball Turkey?  No.

Step 3: Thinking is hard.  Its time for some Scotch.  Butter.  Scotch....BUTTERSCOTCH!

Step 4: Decide to make Butterscotch ice cream with salted buttered pecans!

Here's what you'll need

Starting at the top, Scotch, Heavy Cream, Whole Milk, Butter, 6 egg yolks, Vanilla Extract, Brown Sugar, Salt and Pecan Halves.

This is a frozen custard, also called a French style ice cream.  This means that it never bathes, smokes unfiltered cigarettes, and surrenders at the merest sign of conflict.  It also likes mimes.

To begin, I melted 5 Tablespoons of butter in a saucepan.  As soon as it melted, I added the brown sugar and some salt.

I whisked that together until everything was combined, then whisked in a cup of heavy cream and 3/4 cup whole milk.

Time to summarize:  Melt some fat, add some sugar and salt, then add yet more fat.  So far so good.

 The egg yolks go in a medium sized bowl and get whisked a bit to blend them up and denature the proteins.  This will help them to bind all the liquids and fats in to one smooth consistency.

I poured another cup of cream into a big mixing bowl and put a strainer on top.

After the mixture on the stove got warm (100 degrees or so), I slowly drizzled that into the eggs.  This brings the egg proteins up to temperature slowly so they don't coagulate.  While scrambled eggs are delicious, they do not belong in ice cream!

The egg/butter/sugar/cream/milk mixture is now officially a custard!  They grow up so fast!

I heated the custard over medium heat until it reached 170 degrees Fahrenheit.  At this temperature, any evil salmonella lurking in the egg yolks has been killed off, and the proteins have unraveled.  As they cool, the proteins will begin to wind up again, but they'll be taking the fats and flavors with them, which will make the whole emulsion thicken.  The mixture got sent through the mesh strainer into the waiting cup of cream, then got a dose of Scotch Whisky and some vanilla extract.

Notice that the tempered glass cooktop on your stove has cracked and has made the cooktop unusable. (This step may be omitted if you like)

I melted another tablespoon or so of butter (in the oven), tossed the pecans in it along with a heavy pinch of kosher salt.  I spread them on a sheet pan and roasted them at 350 F for about 10 minutes, stirring once during the baking.

I churned the custard in my ice cream machine, chopped the salty buttered nuts and folded them in during the last minute of churning.

A very wise man once said, "You're gonna love my nuts"


The result, while not a chocolate chip cookie still does wonders for my slight sweet tooth.